I woke up at 2 this morning...thinking/worrying about things i didn't get done over the weekend. I didn't get out to my parents' to get their mail and pick up cheques to pay a couple of things; didn't go to the bank with the POA so that i can activate their new visas; didn't talk to Wilmot about the house...blah blah blah. So i read for a little, hoping to fall asleep again, but i could tell it just wasn't going to happen. So at 2:30, i went out to my parents' house. I picked up the mail, got the cheques and got some winter type clothes for my mom. Cried the whole time i was there. We really need to sell the house, because it just makes me SO sad to go out there. Sad to think that they will never be back there, and that there will be no more Christmases or birthdays or Sunday lunches out there. I know that we will still have those things, but it won't be like it was. And i know that eventually i will accept it, because if there's one thing i have learned in the last 2 months its that you can get used to anything. But the grieving is so hard and so tiring. And catches me off-guard too.
It's such a strange time, with the normal stuff all mixed in with the upside down parts. At times I feel guilty for not being sad all the time, and for laughing and making plans and enjoying fall colours when there is so much that my dad is missing out on and will never enjoy again, or at least not in the same way he always has. Hanging on a bit by my fingernails today...
Psalm 61
Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah
3 comments:
I didn't read this until today. I'm sorry. Hugs from me.
i didn't read it until today and am sorry too...am praying...i like your quote of how this is a strange time with the normal stuff all mixed in with the upside down parts...i think it is God's way in helping us make it through...love you and look forward to laughing with you on tuesday at choir!!:) we can cry too if you want!!:)
Carolyn - sorry you are going through these stressful times right now. I hope you know that you have lots of friends praying for you at this time. It was fun spending the other evening with you laughing at The Office. I hope you enjoyed the distraction. Look forward to seeing you at Choir - you never know, we might find something to laugh about there.
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